This really frustrates me, not only because I worked my ass off for 3 years only to be quit on, but also because this is my senior year and it is supposed to be my time to shine. But no, Knoxville Rowing Association decided to cut the juniors program. What really gets me is that they are not looking for a replacement coach for us because we are not a strong enough team. I feel like this is entirely my fault. I was more likely then not going to be the varsity captain this year, and last year we had practices without a coach present at least once a week. It makes me feel like KRA doesn't trust me, and that I have failed my team mates in some massive way. I know that I am no where near good enough to get a scholarship, but I was hoping to at least make some sort of impression on the KRA people with my effort... I mean, come on, I submerged myself in the Tennessee River, which is 100000000000000000 times worse than the St John's River, in a desperate attempt to save our only eight. Does that not count as a least a little dedication to the team? The cutting of this program only goes to further prove that I fail at life. The entire last three years of hard work and dedication have meant absolutely nothing. I failed to make an impression on the people that I needed to impress. My entire high school career has meant nothing. I bent over backwards with managers, church people, and art teachers so I could be at crew events, but it was not good enough. My gold medal from regionals means NOTHING. My silver from Head of the South is just a worthless chunk of metal on a tricolor ribbon. My bronze from States is an insignificant victory in the grand scheme of things. I am 1/8 of a boat and can accomplish nothing of importance on my own. I have failed to achieve something worth remembering. If I were to die this week, I would be utterly forgotten. I have failed myself and my team. Way to go Sierra. Love you too.

Crew practice likes to make me go swimming... It doesn't happen all that often, but when it does, it's usually not that traumatic. The first time it happened, Jose shoved me in (little monster!) as I threw Kailee in on her birthday. Over summer break, Andi convinced me to jump out of our double with her.

Nothing compares to today. My boat has turned traitor and tried to kill me. 

Due to sucky windy weather, the ramp became disconnected from the dock. When we rolled the 8 to take it up, the stern got up the ramp fine, but once the bow of the boat got on the ramp, it started to sink into the river. I tried to step onto the ramp, but it started to roll. Trying to avoid killing the boat, I stepped back, trying to get back on the dock... but the ramp rolling caused the boat to lose it's balance, and come pushing me off the dock into the water. I was 3 feet from shore, I expected to hit the bottom pretty quickly and maybe only get wet up to my knees. Nope. I was totally submerged, and I didn't even hit the bottom. I had to kick my way back up to the dock . It was so nasty. My hair smelled like dead fish and I wanted to throw up and I was shaking really badly. But I had to take the boat up. Oh yay.

Third place in our heat. Almost good enough to advance to finals, but not quite. The final times haven't been posted yet, but I know we beat at least 2 boats. It's exciting.

I think I'll leave you with a poem today.

Hatred rains down hail
On each attempt I fail.
I need someone to bail
Me out of this broken-heart jail.

In my heart is a stake
Because love has been fake.
My whole life is a mistake
Because all I do is take.

I just want to be free;
Finally able to see
That there is no one for me.
Forever alone I will be.

By now I should know
That you reap what you sow.
These dead seeds won't grow.
Love is my foe.

So, I definately think my coxswain has brain damage. Or maybe she's blind. How do you not see an island? How do you know warn your starboards that are in the middle of a power 20 that theeir oars are on a collision course with a ten foot high wall of stone? HONESTLY. 

About 15 strokes through the power 20, I hear Shae crab out, then hear a loud thud and feel my oar handle wedge itself under my ribs. As it turned out, we hit AN ISLAND at full speed, causing the oar to try to kill me.

After semi-recovering, I forced myself to finsh out the race piece at full pressure. Two days in a row of forcing myself to do something while not being able to breathe. Be impressed.

My day was definately lifted by the news that I don't have to go to practice on Thursday or Friday. Yayness! 

And yay for work. I got May 12 off, so now I can go watch my Stanton buddies race. Woot. 

Alex and Bonny came to see me at work.

But my stomach still hurts, and probably will for another couple days.

Today was =)

Steven was in a benevolent mood, and he got me a bagel.

I didn't go to precal or APUSH today. I went to go see Hannah and Matt perform in The Wizard of Oz with Justin and Sasha. Yay for not going to the two hardest classes of the day. 

Freels brought her puppy to class and let me play with her.

And I don't have to go to work or crew.

I am very happy indeed.

Practice was cancelled today, HOORAY!



And two of my 3D pieces got accepted to the art show!

As I went out to my car this morning to go to the regatta, I noticed that it was 30 degress and snowing. My car was covered in snow. It snowed the whole way there, so I went to the gas station and tried to buy hot chocolate because I was so cold. Unfortunately, the buttfaces only had cappaccinos... So I dragged my frozen body to the race, we set up our tent, warmed up, and raced. There were lots of familiar colleges there... SCAD, BU, Virginia Tech, Clemson, UT Chattanooga, Emory, all the usuals. Georgia Tech's trailer was three down from ours to the left, and SCAD's was three to the right. I thought that was a little funny... or maybe I'm just crazy.

Anyways, we got our butts handed to us... The technique was on and the pace was on, but the combination of the cold and the wind just slowed us down. We never practice when its cold or windy, so our coxswain didn't know how to handle it. 

(sigh) Oh well. It was good practice, I guess.

After we got the boat back on the trailer, my coach took me and one other girl home because we were so cold... I'm still not warm, an hour later...

Well, we took the four out, and that means I had to row with the sucky notched oars that give me nasty blisters. But, at least the four is good. We started out with 2 novices as the bow pair, and the set was awful, but when we took them out and were rowing as the v4, we were M-azing. And I got sweettarts thrown as I was rowing... that was interesting. Mmm. Yay for sugary rewards. Anywaysies... we had a perfect unassisted landing. Woot. But when I got on the stupid dock, my super duper amazing stripy knee socks caught on a splinter of wood and ripped, and I got a ginormous splinter in my foot. OH NO! Oh well, I guess I can make arm warmers out of them now without feeling bad for ruining my favoritest sockies. I shall have to find new stripedy knee highs, though, for going without them is unacceptable.